I've never been this stressed before.

And the thing is, I don't even know why I am. Like, I do. But I don't know how to put it in words. Let's start off by saying I'm stupid. Holy shit, am I dumb. I wish I was smart. You know, intelligent. Like him. He's really smart. There are times where I'll be sitting in class and tney ask a question. Nobody is raising their hand, right? So I'll do the problem in my head. Then the teacher will say the answer and it'll be what I got when I did it in my head. So then I feel stupid for not saying my answer and passing up an opportunity to appear smart. Now let's talk about how I'm not good enough for him. Yeah, he can switch it around and tell me that he doesn't think he's good enough for me but whatever. We all know it's the other way around. And we also have to throw in the fact that I'm a terrible French kisser. Top of the stairs today? Ha. Must've messed up every other time. No, it's not cute. So don't tell me it is. At this point, I should know what I'm doing and I don't. God, I'm so pathetic. So at this point, the only thing I've got going is a half decent face with a terrible body. He's got a fucking v-line! Automatically makes me the fat one in the relationship. Which is partially why I started working out. Who know, maybe I'll start eating light ranch, too. That sounded mean. You know I love you. I'm not mad at him, so don't think I am. I'm frustrated at myself for letting myself go from a nobody to a somebody to a nobody again. Oh! And that's another thing! He knows everybody. And none of them know who I am. Maybe if I was popular like him, I wouldn't be hating myself as much. I'm not saying I hate myself because of him. Definitely not saying that. I'm just saying that I hate myself because I've finally realized who I am. Or who I'm not. Either one.