Me

Before I start ranting, and someone reads this and thinks that i'm complaining about nothing, let me explain who i am. Well, you can call me May. Though that's not my real name. I hate myself. Let's just get that out of the way. I compare myself to everyone else, and not just in looks. In everything else. Personality, talent, esteem, life. Just anything they have that I wish I could. I'm an ex-cutter. Clean 6 days. Only because some people took my razor and smashed it with a brick. So even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Because of the fact that I don't like myself, I can't accept love. Which results in me thinking that everybody hates me. People who aren't my family, atleast. The one "something" that I had mentioned in the first post is my boyfriend. See, he drives me insane. And that's what the next post will probably be about. Anyways, I've never felt good enough. I always feel insignificant. Worthless. "Be careful or you might trip over my low self esteem." That kind of thing. The only thing I've started to feel better about, is how I look. Simply because I've taken the actions that I need to get my looks where I want them to be. *sips sprite* You know, working out, cleaning my face, putting on makeup. Those kinds of actions. I don't really know how to describe my self hate. It's the kind where I wish I was blind so I wouldn't have to look at myself. I just... I don't want to talk about it anymore. Maybe this blog wasn't as good of an idea as I thought it was going to be. I love you, darling.

Hello.

okay. so this blog will remain completely anonymous. I'm not going to tell anybody about it, simply because I don't want to. Here's my problem: I let things get to me. Wether i'm super happy about something, and it's all i talk about or something's really bothering me and it's all i talk about. The thing is, that something is the same something. So it's all I really talk about anymore. At least for the past three months. Minus a week and a half. So, all my friends have gotten really annoyed with me and have asked me to stop. Me being me, I stopped because I always want to please people and I don't want them to get annoyed with me. Now i don't have anyone to talk about this to, and I don't want to talk about it to anyone, so i'm going to use this blog as a way to rant about it. There's only one person I might talk about this to, and i'm not one hundred percent sure about that. So be prepared to read about this one something that bothers me yet makes me super happy at the same exact time. Thanks, darling.