lol you're cute (not)

Honestly my life is at an all time high right now. I graduated yesterday. There's nothing wrong with Jacob and I. And yeah. Things are just great right now. So there's this girl. And she's always rubbing her "perfect" relationship in my face. Well her and her boyfriend aren't going to the same high school.  So she's all sad and what not. Which I completely understand. But now it's like ha! I get to go to high school with my boyfriend and rub it in YOUR face. You stupid hoe. And they're going to try to date through high school. Seriously. Let's see how that works out. She already treats him like crap. It's not going to end well. I see it. Everyone sees it. Nobody wants to admit it, though. And I'm being super honest right now, I'm glad it's not going to end well. It's what she gets for talking crap about my relationship and being a damn hypocrite. But w.e. ONE MONTH CLEAN<33 My self esteem has gotten better. I like my face, atleast. I'm starting a whole thirty day work out thing. So hopefully that helps. But yeeeah. My face. It's cute. High school is going to be different. I'm not sure how to feel about that. Hm. I have to go to dance. I love you, darling <3

boys don't like girls with scars

Okay. I figured it out. See, because of the fact that I hate myself so much I find it hard to "accept love". From anyone who isn't family, at least. So, when Jacob (boyfriend) says something really cute or explains how much he loves me, it surprises me. Because, in all reality, I'm just here. Nothing special. Not beautiful, not talented, nothing. I'm just here. Yet, he finds the simplest things about me and "falls in love with them" I'm guessing. Which I really don't understand. And it's not me who thinks that he's going to break up with me, it's everyone else. People don't like us dating because of this whole thing with his ex that ended really badly. And they don't want that to happen with me, and I end up getting hurt. Which I completely understand. That's simply looking out for your friend. But when you tell me every single day that he's going to break up with me and you start starting bets on when we're going to break up and you start rumors about me saying I'm going on movie dates with other guys, that's completely changing the situation. So, I know that he's not going to break up with me (he's constantly talking about our children and our marriage and our wedding and stuff like that), he knows that he's not going to break up with me, and yet we both constantly think one of us is going to break up with the other. Because of all the stupid people. So. Long story short, everybody wants us to break up except for us. And because they're constantly impounding this whole "wtf bitch he doesn't love you he's just going to break up with you" thing into my head and so I start to believe it. Which I shouldn't. So I'm stopping. Okay. I love you, Darling.